Norm Macdonald Talked About Rochester, Minnesota on Letterman - Super Funny

Comedian Norm MacDonald, who just passed away (scroll down for story), was easily in my top five favorite comedians. Anyone that can take 10 minutes to tell a one liner is more than OK with me (scroll down...you'll see the one I'm talking about). And my nephew, Jim Nevala felt the same way.

So much so that Jim started watching Norm videos non-stop on YouTube and discovered MacDonald had been thru Rochester, Minnesota's Mayo Clinic...and then talked about it on Letterman! Different videos have different dates...its most often stated to be from 2003.

It starts immediately, is about 9 minutes long and so SO funny. If you can't watch it right now, scroll down for the transcription.

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This transcript is automatic and has errors.

Letterman (00:00):
Our next guest is a very funny man, starring in his own television program. Entitled a minute with Stan Hooper, ladies and gentlemen Norm MacDonald.

MacDonald (00:21):
[inaudible]

MacDonald (00:23):
Congratulations. You must be very excited. Must very excited.

Letterman (00:25):
You, you, you know the feeling you have a a son

MacDonald (00:28):
I have a son that he's older. He's gotta be at least eight, but when he's first born, you know, it's the most, you know, this, the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me. And, uh, I'll never forget it. And then six months later I went, hang-gliding way more exciting.

Letterman (00:51):
Wow. All right. Well, I'll, I'll give that a try. Hang-gliding

MacDonald (00:57):
Pivots

Letterman (01:00):
Now. Uh, what's new in your life. Tell us about things that have been going on for you. What have you been up to?

MacDonald (01:04):
Nah, man, uh, I, it's a mad house back there, man, with the animals and stands back there and he's there with the animal Jack Hanna. I'm sorry. Um, but uh, uh, what you asked me now,

Letterman (01:23):
W what's new in your life? How are things going? What

MacDonald (01:26):
Going good? I, uh, I, uh, I'm worried about my health, you know, uh, I went to a, I go in and out of the Mayo Clinic. You familiar with that? Yeah. Up in Rochester. Uh, and uh, I was going to a regular doctor for a while, but these guys suck. They always want to make you feel better, you know, no matter what, you know what I'm saying, get, take your blood pressure and then they'll go, what am I got? There they go a 180 overnight. You go let's at me like that. And then I, you know, they hit your knee with a hammer. You think that, you know, from the cartoons, you know, and so then they hit your knee. Your knee goes up and they were excellent. Exactly how your knee should respond when struck by a hammer.

Letterman (02:12):
So, so you're, you're saying you didn't feel like you're getting a thorough examination out now

MacDonald (02:16):
And I want it thorough. So I thought I'd go to the male clinic and I'll get examined by everybody. You know, everybody, I sound like good man. Now everybody. So, uh, I go there and I go to all the doctors, you know, I go to the throat doctor. I go to that year, doctor, I go to the nose doctor. I go to the stomach doctor. I go to the doctor, you know, the Ash doctor,

Letterman (02:38):
The doctor.

Getty Images

MacDonald (02:40):
I'll tell you something, man. That's the most important doctor. I know at first I was a little suspicious because I know that in medical school, there comes a time when you have to pick your specialty Is very important, quite because a lot. Uh, and you know, you're, you know, you're very nervous about that examination, you know, because you know, you don't want it to be painful. And, uh, you know, I want it to be enjoyable. [inaudible]

Letterman (03:19):
[inaudible]

MacDonald (03:20):
But anyway, so I went to every guy, you know, and every doctor and, uh, I do a thing. I have a little trick with the doctors. I tell them symptoms I don't have. So I get a thorough examination. I go to the throat, diner, go, my throat hurts all the time, a constant pain in my throat, the guy like good Lord. So he gives me a real thorough and then the stomach Dodger. And then he checks out my sister real thorough. You know, I don't want to talk about the doctor, but I go through all the doctors, you know, and I ha like wheezing and coughing. And, and so then I get the thorough examination. How did, how did it turn out? Clean bill of health? Congratulations.

Letterman (03:58):
Absolutely. That must be a huge peace of mind.

MacDonald (04:02):
That's what it gives you, gives you peace of mind, you know, for a while, because Dodgers really, you know, they can't, that's, all they can do is give you not bad news. You know, they can only tell you, you have nothing. They can't, they never give you a good, it's never liked. The doctor will come out and go, good news. The blood test came back. You're immortal.

Letterman (04:21):
That's

MacDonald (04:21):
Not going to happen. They just tell you how you got nothing yet.

MacDonald (04:26):
Keep coming back. And I'll give you this piece of news. It'll shatter your life. But, uh, so anyways, uh, six months later I decided I'll get me a, some life insurance. Cause I had my kid, he's gotta be at least six. And I go, I'll get a, I get a, I'll get some life insurance because this is irresponsible. I mean, not to have life insurance. So, uh, I applied for life insurance. Every life insurance company turns me down why? And then I go, holy Lord, something's wrong with them? Because, uh, maybe Mayo clinic like, uh, lost a file or something, which the records, which the records often happens.

Letterman (05:02):
I don't think of the Mayo clinic that often happens. No, not

MacDonald (05:05):
At the Mayo clinic, but at the lesser lesser

Letterman (05:08):
Clinics.

MacDonald (05:11):
So, uh, so anyways, I find out that the insurance company is privy to all the doctor's notes and everything. So they, so they have me like with severe abdominal pain, rectal bleeding,

Letterman (05:31):
I'm going to insure you with that.

MacDonald (05:34):
Yeah. I had to get one of the net McMahon insurance, Like a million dollars insurance. And you ended up paying half a million.

Letterman (05:43):
What have you been doing? Stand up? I know you're probably really busy with the show, but do you ever get to go out and do,

MacDonald (05:48):
Oh no. Yeah. I've been, uh, I've been a half a show business for awhile and I, uh, I do the smokey night clubs, you know? And, uh, uh, recently I was at a place in a dude. I said, Hey, would you mind going to this hospital, you know, to, to entertain, you know, uh, the orderlies and the, the, the people in the hospital. I thought that'd be a nice thing to do. Cause I don't do a great deal of nice things. So, uh, I do, I have,

Letterman (06:17):
You've read all about you.

MacDonald (06:23):
Can I go to the hospital? You know, and I'm driving to the hospital, the guys drive me. I don't know how to drive. I'm all happy. I'm going to wait

Letterman (06:29):
A minute. You say you don't

MacDonald (06:30):
Know how to drive. I don't know yet, but I will. I'll learn as my child approaches his 13th birthday, I should soon. So, uh, I go to the, uh, I go to the, at the hospital and the guy said, youngers, the books, this gig Giggy tells me, you know, you know, you just talked to, you know, you entertain for the orderlies and the staff and the patients, you know, and I, I get there. So, uh, you guys drive me there and, uh, I'm looking for the hostel and everything and we're getting close to the hospital. And all of a sudden, I see like some barbed wire, right. And there's guards and everything. And there's a big, giant sign that says state hospital for the criminally insane. So now I'm being Frist, an ID and everything. And I get in and I, and now I'm going, I don't even know if these people deserve a show, you know?

Letterman (07:25):
Well, if you can brighten anyone's day, I think,

MacDonald (07:28):
Yeah. I haven't, I don't want to brighten the day as somebody who slaughtered their family. So, uh, so I get in there, you know, and I'm like, all right, well, I guess I'll do it. I'm committed to doing it. I go over, where do I perform? Like a cafeteria or something guys? Like, no, we got a theater theater, Big theater in the state hospital for the criminally insane. So I go in there and they go, the Statler brothers were here.

MacDonald (07:55):
All right. So I go in there, you know, and it's a beautiful theater, you know, and it fits like a thousand people. And, uh, there's like 40 criminally insane guys in there. And I don't even know, I don't know what the rest of them are doing. And so I go, and then the guy introduces me, you know, and, and that he has the head, like an old bio of me or something like that. And, uh, but it was ridiculous. Uh, introducing me to these guys, it was like ladies and gentlemen, you know, I'm from evening at the improv and George slaughters comedy club, MacDonald. There's nothing, they're all muttering, criminally insane things. [inaudible] so I'm walking, I've never had this, I'm walking toward the mic. And I start getting heckled like 15 feet from the mic and I hear nice shoes.

Letterman (08:55):
[inaudible]

MacDonald (08:58):
So I go up and then just all kinds of saying things. One guy goes, where's the Statler brothers, the other guy's like, yeah, what is what those shoes. And I'm not even at the mic. I didn't even get to the mic yet. So I get there. And then as soon as I started talking, I started out with my answering machine bit, you know, and, uh, I'm like anyone have an answering machine and they're like, go home, go home. They keep yelling. Sorry. I just had it. And I said, uh, I said to them, I said, well, that's the beauty of it. I can, and then you hit the [inaudible].

Comedian Norm MacDonald Has Died. He Was 61.

Comedian Norm Macdonald, best known for his role as a Saturday Night Live "Weekend Update" anchor, has died at age 61.

The news was relayed to Deadline by his management firm, Brillstein Entertainment. According to his producing partner and friend Lori Jo Hoekstra, Macdonald had been battling cancer for nine years, but kept his medical matters private.

His tongue-in-cheek style jokes frequently centered on popular figures of the era like Bill Clinton, Michael Jackson and O.J. Simpson, the latter most of whom Macdonald ridiculed heavily. Macdonald reportedly alleged this was the reason for his dismissal from SNL in 1998, since the president of NBC’s West Coast division, Don Ohlmeyer, was a friend of Simpson's. Read More: Norm Macdonald, Former 'SNL' Weekend Update Anchor, Dead at 61

As always, if you have a comment, complaint, or concern about something I wrote here, please let me know: james.rabe@townsquaremedia.com

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